Pastry Fearers Anonymous
by NostalgicDaydream
Summary: Try to figure it out...


**If Death Note wasn't so serious, if Light still had a few marbles, and if L showed some emotion, this could actually happen.**

**I, sadly, do not own Death Note**

"My name is Light Yagami, and this is my sad story.

I should have known. I should have known not to get between Ryuzaki and a strawberry cake.

I couldn't understand how he could eat so much sugar and still be so skinny and without diabetes. Everything he ate had three times the amount a normal person would eat. He put sugar on his sugar, and sugar on his sugar's sugar. I wondered how he stood it. I wondered if _I _could stand it. I decided to try some of Ryuzaki's strawberry cake.

Getting to the sugary confection of Ryuzaki's adoration, however, would prove to be a difficult and dangerous task. Though he did not openly reprimand others to stay away from his cake, you could tell by the way he kept it very close to him. You could not get any cake without first being offered some personally from Ryuzaki.

Not having the patience to wait to be offered some cake, I planned to grab a slice the next morning when Watari would bring his adopted son another cake and another step to diabetic demise, unintentionally on the last, of course.

The next morning came slowly. I could not sleep because of the anticipation of tasting Ryuzaki's cake unwelcome. At 6 am sharp, Watari brought up a strawberry cake to Ryuzaki, unware that the cake would be eaten by another person besides Ryuzaki.

Setting the cake in front of Ryuzaki, Watari left to do whatever Watari did when he was not waiting on Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki looked at the cake longingly, but seemed torn between it and something else.

While he was an emotionless freak at times, Ryuzaki was human, and humans have bodily needs, and Ryuzaki was no exception. Standing up from the chair, Ryuzaki asked me to watch his beloved strawberry cake and make sure that no one tried to eat it without his permission.

Oh, the irony.

There he was, asking the person who planned to eat some of his cake uninvited, to watch said cake. Either he had too much trust in me, or he just really had to go. Agreeing to watch his cake and protect it from 'Deadly Cake Devourers' as he so called it, I stared at the cake as if my life depended on it.

Seemingly assured, Ryuzaki ran off to relieve himself of the ever-annoying function that came with all humans. Still staring at the cake, an evil smile crept on my face as I heard the door close. Sure, this wasn't like finding out Ryuzaki's name, getting rid of him, becoming ruler of the world and doing it all before dinner, but it was something to occupy my time with.

Grabbing a fork, I scooped a big piece of cake onto it and prepared to shove it in my mouth. Stopping, I wondered what Ryuzaki would do if his beloved cake was 'maimed' by a 'Deadly Cake Devourer'. Would the emotionless super genius detective throw a fit, or just sit there?

Now this task had two results. I would know just how the cake tasted, and I would see some human emotion finally emerge from the seemingly non-human detective. That would be a good day if everything worked out according to plan.

Finally sticking the fork with the cake chunk on it in my mouth, I almost gagged. It was repulsively sweet. How could he stand this? Looking around for a napkin or a trash can to spit the sickening cake, I saw one of the creepiest pictures I would ever see.

Ryuzaki was standing in the doorway, and he was _mad. _He didn't look mad, nor did he have an angry posture, but anger was seeping off of him in waves. I tried to explain, but my mouth was full with cake. Ryuzaki must have seen the disgusted look on my face, because and evil-like grin was appearing on his face. Oh, no.

Standing, I looked for any way out, but to no avail. Ryuzaki was standing in the only doorway. Walking slowly towards me, the grin never left his face. Backing up, I came to a wall.

Oh, no.

Ryuzaki grabbed the rest of the cake and started back towards me. I had nowhere to go. I was dead, doomed. Up in my face, grin never fading, Ryuzaki pushed me to the ground. Being unprepared, I fell to the ground. Then he did something unexpected.

He sat on me. Tearing off a large portion of the cake, Ryuzaki shoved it towards my face. Mouth closed tight, I resisted. Seeing the resistance, Ryuzaki jumped-slash-hopped on me. The motion efficiently knocked the wind out of me, and I unwillingly opened my mouth. He shoved the cake in my mouth.

Sticking more and more cake in my mouth, pausing to close my mouth with his hands, making me chew and swallow, he continued until there was no more cake left. getting off of me, Ryuzaki promptly scurried over to his computer and asked Watari to bring another cake.

Turning his head and smiling at me, Ryuzaki asked 'Would you like some, Light-kun?'

I should have known. I should have known not to eat that cake. i should have known that that would happen. And that is how I got here, to this building, this place, this group.

That is how I got to the Pastry Fearers Anonymous."

**It was going to be different, but I thought of the ending at the end, and it was just too funny to pass up. Please review!**


End file.
